Make the Punishment Fit the Crime: It's very important that the consequences of disobeying the rules are in line with the infraction. For example, grounding your teenager for a week is not an appropriate punishment for failing to turn in his homework one day. On the other hand, grounding him from his plans for the weekend is not an appropriate punishment for catching him with marijuana. Carefully consider the consequences of breaking your home's rules. If you're too lenient, your punishment won't deter the behavior from happening again. However, if you're too harsh in your punishment for little things, not only will you break your child's spirit, but you'll have few tactics to resort too when they do something really bad. Be Consistent: Here's the one where most parents have trouble. It's critical to require that your child follow the rules all the time - and it's just as critical to be consistent in delivering consequences when they don't follow those rules. If you're inconsistent, your child won't really understand whether or not the behavior is inappropriate. It's really easy to threaten that we're going to punish and then not follow through. Have you ever heard someone say, "I'm going to ground you til you're 30!"? While this is a huge exaggeration, of course, it is all too common for parents to make threats of punishment and then not follow through. But, it's really important to mete out the punishment you've promised if you want your child to take you and your rules seriously. Your children look to you to set boundaries, and they'll lose respect for you if you don't follow through. Now, all that said; we've all threatened a punishment that was too severe or before we really knew the whole story. When this happens, you may need to back down on what you originally promised. You should never carry out an inappropriate punishment if you know it's the wrong thing to do. Instead, sit your child down and explain the situation-let them know that you've thought through the situation and decided upon a more reasonable course of action.
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Are you entitled to assistance? It's important to know about, and take advantage of, the assistance to which you're entitled. For example, if your husband has just died, your children should receive a social security check each month until they turn 18. In addition, you should receive social security benefits as the parent caring for your deceased husband's child. There is other assistance to which you may be entitled, depending upon your income, even if you are not a widow. Benefits vary by state, but typically include, housing allotments, food stamps and reduced cost day care. Your school age child may also qualify for free or reduced cost school lunches as well as reduced cost health care insurance. Check with your state's Department of Social Services to find out what benefits are available in your state and what you qualify to receive. In addition, look at the assistance that may be available in your community. Local churches and civic organizations may have programs that benefit you. For example, some churches with day care and preschool programs offer scholarships. You may be able to get reduced cost day care for your child by qualifying for such a scholarship.
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DAY 2 - GET OUT THE BILLS: In order to get control of your life, it's critical to understand your financial situation. Particularly if your partner handled the finances in the past, you need to get a good handle on things for yourself. Here are some things you should look at. *Your mortgage or rent - If you own your home, how much do you owe on the mortgage? What is the monthly payment? Do you have a home equity line? If you're renting, how much is your rent payment? How much longer do you have on your lease? *Your car- How much do you owe on your car? How much is the monthly payment? When will it be paid off? How much are insurance payments? Do you pay insurance monthly? *Utilities - How much are your utilities on an average month? Be sure to include water and sewer, garbage collection, gas, phone, electric and cable. *Child Care - Are you currently paying for child care? If so, how much does your monthly childcare cost? *Credit Cards - How much do you own in credit card debt? If you add up your minimum monthly payments on each card, how much will you spend each month paying credit cards? *Other bills - Do you have other expenses? Look out for other loans or regular monthly expenses you may not have thought of. This can include gym memberships, book clubs, etc. It can be helpful to make a note of any expenses that you consider unnecessary. *Savings - Are you accustomed to putting a regular amount in savings each month? If so, figure this into your monthly expenses. Tally it all up. These are your basic expenses for the month. Keep in mind that this doesn't include miscellaneous expenses like groceries, gas, and spending money. If you have an idea of how much you spend in these areas make a note of it. You'll need to know all of your expenses in order to figure out your total financial picture.
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Providing Male Role Models: If your child is going to grow up without a father in his life, he or she will need male role models throughout the years. This is especially true if you have a son. Be sure to arrange regular visits between your child and male relatives who can provide a positive male influence. If there aren't grandfathers or uncles who can fill the role, pay attention to your children's friends' fathers. You may find that some of these men can provide a great male influence in your child's life. If you're dating, avoid making your boyfriend a significant influence in your child's life unless you're certain that the two of you are going to be a permanent couple. You should not allow your children to become attached to a man who might not wind up being around for the long haul. If your child bonds with a boyfriend and then the relationship doesn't work out, you've just created a loss in your child's life.
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Be sure to talk to an experienced mortgage lender in your area about mortgage loans with low or no down payments. You may also qualify for programs provide financial assistance for the down payments and closing costs of buying a home. Take a look at the following websites *US HUD: Department of Housing and Urban Development www.hud.gov HUD offers many options to help families find affordable housing to rent or own. In particular, you can get great deals on foreclosure homes through HUD - often homes are priced well below market value. *Fannie Mae: www.fanniemae.com Fannie Mae is dedicated to offering products that help low to moderate income families able to buy a home. *Freddie Mac: www.freddiemac.com Freddie Mac's mission is to work with home lenders to help families get into a home for lower cost and to offer financing to those who might not qualify through traditional lending means.
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Reducing other Expenses There are lots of ways to reduce your other expenses. You just have to be creative. Here are some tips. *Join a warehouse club - You can save lots of money by joining a warehouse club and buying in bulk. Many of the regular grocery items your family uses every day are far less expensive at warehouse clubs than at the grocery. *Do you really need the convenience foods? Convenience foods are just that - convenient. And, they can be a lifesaver for a woman who's been at work all day and needs to make a quick dinner. But, they're quite a bit more expensive. Grating your own cheese and tearing your own lettuce can save you money at the grocery. *Check out consignment sales- Many civic organizations and churches have children's clothing consignment sales each spring and fall. These are a great way to buy clothing for your children. Most of the organizations that host these sales are very particular about the clothes they accept. You'll find deeply discounted prices on clothes that have hardly been worn. Selling the clothes your children have outgrown at these sales can be a great way to earn some extra cash, too. *Shop Smart - One of the things that can really put a dent in your budget is clothing. Children seem to outgrow theirs so quickly that it's nearly always time to shop. But, if you schedule your shopping, you can be both more financially prepared to spend the money, and you can take advantage of sales. For example, we live in a fairly warm climate. My children can wear their summer clothes into mid October most of the time. So, I don't participate in that mad rush called "back to school shopping" just because it's back to school time. I wait for the best sales and then buy fall clothing. I buy enough to get them through until Christmas, because I know that many of their aunts and uncles will give them clothing for Christmas. All of my children have spring birthdays; so much of their summer wardrobe comes in the form of birthday presents. I fill in the rest by looking for really great sales and consignment shopping. When I see a really fantastic deal - something like good school shoes for $8 - I buy two pair - one in the size my child wears now and one in the next size up. *Swap Babysitting - Babysitting is often a financial obstacle to having a social life. One way to solve this issue is to swap babysitting services with friends who also have small children. You can watch their kids on a Saturday night for them to go out; the next weekend they can return the favour. *Look for other things you can swap - Be creative. You can often trade things with other parents to help cut costs. One great example is Halloween costumes. Costumes are sized so that they'll fit a child for two or three years. But, often kids don't want to dress up as the same character two years in a row. So, why arrange for your child and a friend to swap their costumes from last year. Each child gets a new costume to wear and no one spends any money.
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Dating: Regardless of how you came to be a single parent, the time will likely come when you will want to date. It's healthy, it's normal - it's good. But, as a parent, you must choose wisely. Even though every man you date won't turn into a father, you should evaluate each one on his potential in that area. The fact is that you must be more careful of the company you keep when you have kids. Take your relationships slowly, and don't make your boyfriend part of your kids' lives until you're sure of his character and you're sure of his potential as a long term mate. If you've been involved in an unhealthy or abusive relationship in the past, now is the time to break the cycle. Get some counseling to sort out why you have allowed yourself to be involved in such a relationship in the past, so that you can avoid this kind of relationship in the future. It's critical to break out of the cycle of abuse for yourself and your children.
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Make the Punishment Fit the Crime: It's very important that the consequences of disobeying the rules are in line with the infraction. For example, grounding your teenager for a week is not an appropriate punishment for failing to turn in his homework one day. On the other hand, grounding him from his plans for the weekend is not an appropriate punishment for catching him with marijuana. Carefully consider the consequences of breaking your home's rules. If you're too lenient, your punishment won't deter the behavior from happening again. However, if you're too harsh in your punishment for little things, not only will you break your child's spirit, but you'll have few tactics to resort too when they do something really bad. Be Consistent: Here's the one where most parents have trouble. It's critical to require that your child follow the rules all the time - and it's just as critical to be consistent in delivering consequences when they don't follow those rules. If you're inconsistent, your child won't really understand whether or not the behavior is inappropriate. It's really easy to threaten that we're going to punish and then not follow through. Have you ever heard someone say, "I'm going to ground you til you're 30!"? While this is a huge exaggeration, of course, it is all too common for parents to make threats of punishment and then not follow through. But, it's really important to mete out the punishment you've promised if you want your child to take you and your rules seriously. Your children look to you to set boundaries, and they'll lose respect for you if you don't follow through. Now, all that said; we've all threatened a punishment that was too severe or before we really knew the whole story. When this happens, you may need to back down on what you originally promised. You should never carry out an inappropriate punishment if you know it's the wrong thing to do. Instead, sit your child down and explain the situation-let them know that you've thought through the situation and decided upon a more reasonable course of action.
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Choosing a Place to Rent: If you're not ready to consider buying a home, you'll need to find a place to rent. You can choose from apartment complexes, which often have amenities that appeal to children, or a rental house or townhome. When you choose a rental house or townhome, you'll often be renting from an individual, which can be a good thing. Often, when renting from an individual, you'll find more flexibility in decorating, moving in and out dates, etc. Just be sure that everything is spelled out clearly in a lease agreement. Be certain that you understand exactly what you're responsible for paying; ie, will you pay the city utility bill or is that paid by the property owner? Be certain that you know any upkeep you're expected to provide (who mows the lawn?).
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Dating: Regardless of how you came to be a single parent, the time will likely come when you will want to date. It's healthy, it's normal - it's good. But, as a parent, you must choose wisely. Even though every man you date won't turn into a father, you should evaluate each one on his potential in that area. The fact is that you must be more careful of the company you keep when you have kids. Take your relationships slowly, and don't make your boyfriend part of your kids' lives until you're sure of his character and you're sure of his potential as a long term mate. If you've been involved in an unhealthy or abusive relationship in the past, now is the time to break the cycle. Get some counseling to sort out why you have allowed yourself to be involved in such a relationship in the past, so that you can avoid this kind of relationship in the future. It's critical to break out of the cycle of abuse for yourself and your children.
read more